“All rise,” announced the bailiff. “The state of Georgia versus John Doe will come to order. Judge Davis presiding.”
“Take your seats, Ladies and Gentlemen,” says the judge. He smacked the gavel with automatic precision, and with the fatigue of a familiar thought said, “Bailiff, read the indictment.”
“Mr. Doe is accused of being a weak-kneed, lily-livered, panty-waisted, milk-toast Christian in the workplace.”
“How does the defendant plead?” asked the Judge.
“Not guilty, Your Honor,” said the defense attorney, Mrs. Shark.
“It seems we find ourselves at a familiar place, with a familiar set of events, on a different day,” sighed the judge. Excitedly, Mrs. Shark cleared her throat like a cat with mouthful of feathers. Judge Davis held off a grin and looked at the prosecutor, “Let’s hear the state’s opening statement, Mr. Churchy.”
“Your Honor,” began the prosecutor, “Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, we will prove to you today that the defendant is guilty of being a false Christian on his job. Christianity is like an ornately decorated package that draws others to it because of its external beauty. Primary witnesses have submitted signed and notarized affidavits outlining questionable behavior by Mr. Doe. In fact, the state will prove beyond a doubt that Mr. Doe could not be a Christian because he spends most of his time on breaks and at lunch visiting and assisting the ones on his job that have made their animus and hatred for Godly things quite clear. Mr. Doe’s work record reflects he is always on time. He has performed at the highest levels at each assessment for promotion. The state, as you may know, will occasionally infiltrate workplaces when an alleged Christian has such a good reputation, to determine whether or not they are telling unbelievers about Jesus Christ. Mr. Doe avoids the morning prayer group before work, and in fact, is spending time off the clock assisting his supervisor, who we know to be a homosexual, in meeting production quotas ahead of schedule. Mr. Doe, we will prove, is ashamed of Jesus.”
“Your turn, Mrs. Shark,” states Judge Davis.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. Doe is not guilty. He has made a concerted effort to stand out to both the so called Christians in his workplace and the non believers there. He doesn’t cajole or entice others to him with prayers and fancy church talk. He doesn’t want their praise and worship misplaced. He is a plain but useable package. Those who find the gift inside him seek it out because he lives a life of service. Mr. Doe is not ashamed of Jesus. He is sensitive the Holy Spirit, and chooses to follow that unction to either speak of Christ, or more often, honor his employers by promoting their continued success. The external pomp and circumstance of man’s sparkly wrappings, like the Pharisees of Jesus’ day, look like dung compared to it. Mr. Doe is not guilty. He loves Jesus more than he desires to fit your mold. It goes without…”
“Wait a minute,” Judge Davis interrupted. “Mr. Churchy and Mrs. Shark, approach the bench! If this is another one of those people from that place near the high school…what’s it called?” “It’s the Gateway, Your Honor, and yes, Mr. Doe has been attending that church for years, “explained Mrs. Shark.
Judge Davis directed a focused glare at the reddening face of the prosecutor, “Mr. Churchy, I will see to it that you spend the remainder of your working years litigating for the ethical treatment of Osama Bin Laden if you return to my courtroom with another religiously biased, narrow-minded charge against those who have proven their mettle at at apostolic church. Is that clear? Case dismissed!”
(First published 11.09.08)