My husband came into the kitchen the other day with a package of Oreos tucked under his arm. Now, I was fasting sweets during Seeking Time this year and really didn’t have any problem with having them close by or watching others eat them. Since I wasn’t really been craving sweets, I was totally surprised by the emotion that rose up when I saw my husband carrying in that shiny blue package. I actually felt resentful! Resentful! I checked up on myself real quick-like and said, “Wait a minute, now. Why are you so angry about that?” To which the response was, “Because, it’s not fair that HE gets to have those and I don’t!”
Now, the Holy Ghost can use anything to teach us spiritual truth if we’ll allow Him. In this case, He used a pack of Oreo cookies to expose something in me that I didn’t know was there. See, it wasn’t really even about the cookies… when I thought to myself that it wasn’t fair that my husband got to have cookies, what I was really saying was it wasn’t fair that he gets to enjoy something that I like because he isn’t even fasting. How often do we look at the blessing on other people’s lives… the things they get to enjoy and partake in… and feel that it isn’t fair that they get to have that because they aren’t paying the same price to follow God that we are? Ouch, right?
The bottom line is that I wasn’t actually resentful towards my husband, I was resentful towards God for calling me to this life of sacrifice. In other words, deep down I felt that God owed me that blessing because of the “price” I am paying. It’s what my friend at Heretics calls “deservation”…not really a word, but it means the idea that you deserve the blessings of God, when of course none of us do. I know enough to know that this subtle mindset has been present all along… it didn’t just show up with the cookies. So, while I’m thankful for God allowing me opportunity to repent of my Oreo envy, I’m even more thankful for Him revealing a place of sin in my life for which I can repent and receive forgiveness.