While I was attending veterinary school in the late 90s, I was involved with a campus ministry that had a yearly retreat where students from all over our region would come together to seek God. Usually, I looked forward to these retreats with eager anticipation. However, this particular year, I came with a heavy heart. For you see, earlier in the year my grandmother had passed away, and then a week before Christmas my grandfather passed. Despite my pain, I did have a goal for the retreat. I felt there was something in my life that was preventing me from entering into a deeper relationship with God, so all I could muster my faith for was a greater intimacy with God.
Well, it turned out that one of the afternoon sessions was specifically called “Intimacy with God”! So I attended the session with an expectant heart. By the end of the session, I was on my knees crying out to God…desperately wanting to know what was keeping me from knowing His love. Then Holy Spirit revealed an anger and hatred I had in my heart toward God concerning the death of my mother.
When I was seven years old, my mother died in the hospital, leaving my dad to raise me and my two younger sisters, 5 years and 3 months old. I never realized that I had blamed God for her death. But once I knew what the problem was, the pain was so severe that I couldn’t even touch it to try and give it over to God. My heart was broken. But I knew this much, God is a good God and He wouldn’t have revealed this without a reason. So later that day, we all reconvened for the evening service, and God moved in a supernatural way which I had never before experienced. That evening, God gave three prophecies in the service which, if they were for nobody else, were for me. One student shared a vision where she saw a beautiful garden, but within the garden were briars and thorns. The owner of the garden had tried to remove the briars but was unable to because it was too painful. But then a pierced hand from Heaven appeared. A voice said, “Don’t worry. My hands are already pierced. It won’t hurt Me as much.” And with that, the pierced hand reached down and removed the briars and thorns from the garden.
I knew without a doubt that was specifically for me! As soon as an altar call was made, I bolted for the front of the sanctuary. And just as was described in the vision, God came and He removed the hate and anger I had towards Him from my heart! From that very moment, I have walked in continuous deliverance and healing concerning the death of my mother. Glory to God!
I wanted to share this with you because God is doing something similar for His people during this time of seeking. Come back tomorrow, and I will share what God’s been showing me.