Going down the road the other day, heading to Walmart, the craziest thought came across my mind about an event in my life that happened years ago when my boys were in elementary school. I was engaged to a man who was a Christian. He attended this church as a matter of fact. He was a godly man, and I really thought he was the one God had chosen for me. I had a check list that I told God about years ago after my divorce. I wanted someone who went to church, was committed, loved God, believed the Word, did not give up and quit when things got tough, was faithful, and had a job. Well, I started to mentally go down my checklist. I was able to check off a lot of things. I had decided that I was not going to settle for anything less than the BEST God had! That is why I developed my checklist.
During our engagement period, I started thinking about how in the world could we get married and spend the rest of our lives together when he never had time to spend with me. The only time we really saw each other was at church on Sunday mornings. A good, solid, and Godly relationship is something that needs to be built. You cannot build it if you do not take the time to lay the foundation that it will be built upon. He worked two jobs most of the time. I was praying and kept sensing that our engagement and upcoming marriage was not what God had in store for me. The only thing was, I really did not want to listen to the Holy Ghost and break it off. I had just brought home my wedding dress and the wedding was just a few weeks down the road. Maybe we could make it work? No…God had different plans.
Four days after bringing home my dress, trying it on, and dreaming of the wedding that was going to take place, God spoke again. This time he spoke to both of us. It hurt us both to do what we knew we had to do, but we obeyed. I was devastated! Plus I had a reminder of what could have been looking at me every day: the dress. Not too long after that, I had the opportunity to sow that dress as seed into another couples life at the church.
During this time in my life, I was part of a prayer group that consisted of five people. I remember going to our regular scheduled prayer meeting after my break up. One of the ladies, whom I considered a good friend, talked to me privately. She told me that I did not need to come to the prayer meeting anymore since God did all of His talking through my ex-fiance. Again, I was devastated! I already had a hard enough time stepping out in prayer and learning to listen to my spirit man. This did not help me one bit! Actually, the more I think about it, this is probably when I did start shutting down in my prayer life. I did enough to get by but I would not push in to where God wanted me to go. I had been kicked in my gut when I was already down by Christian friends.
The more I thought about all of this I realized that I was shutting down not only in my prayer life but in trusting God and in myself to be able to hear from God. I also began to get a better understanding of how important our words are. Not just in our own lives but also in the lives of those we come in contact with everyday. We have the power in our tongue to build up or to destroy, not only ourselves, but others as well. This New Year, I made some resolutions, like so many of us do. I am going to focus a lot more on what I say to people as well as how I say it. I do not want to be someone who destroys others or prevents them from their breakthrough. I want to be someone who helps to build them up so that they can fulfill the destiny that God has for them. What words will you use this year? Will they be ones that will build or destroy? The choice is yours.