It’s been almost sixteen years since the day I had been beaten. Everything I had known for many years was suddenly jerked out from under me. Put yourself in my shoes. How would you have felt? I wanted revenge.
As I think back to that day I was sitting on the stand looking my accuser in the face, Hoping and praying the justice system would punish him for what he did to me. I remember the judge reading the charges and in my mind I could just see my accuser behind bars. The judge says, “The verdict is not guilty.”
All I can remember was this big smile coming across my face as I stepped down off the platform. Walking out of the courtroom, and as I sat down in my car, the gravity of the situation finally registered in my mind. How could they say he was not guilty I wondered? What about all the bruising, not to mention the mental anguish I had been through?
I just broke down sobbing uncontrollably. I let it all out, and I believe that day was a turning point in my life. God was working on my love walk even then. Some people have asked me about the smile when everything was done. Of all times to smile! I probably looked crazy to the other people in the courtroom. All I can say is it had to be God because in my own strength I could never have done that.
That seemingly insignificant act let me know that God was in control even if I didn’t see how any good could come from that situation. I was not even filled with Holy Ghost yet, just full of God and starting to let Him rule and reign in my life as much as I knew how. It says in God’s word He will give us what to say, and that day He also gave me the action to go with it.
Choosing not to walk in love toward my ex-husband put a ceiling on my life, and I didn’t even know it. I came to realize love is not based on a feeling. The God kind of love is unconditional. Even though I was still hurting on the inside, one day God let me see my ex-husband how he saw him. God didn’t see him as my abuser. God sees us all broken in need of a savior. As I was able to comprehend what He was showing me, it was easier for me to walk in love towards him because I remember what a mess I was before someone reached out to me. God has healed me emotionally and that has helped my ex-husband to see how much God really loved him, even if he doesn’t understand it. God gives us chances everyday to walk in love. We need to be willing to do the same for others.
Yes, this means we have to be willing to be hurt again. It’s also a chance to grow. The Bible says, “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.”