We’ve been talking a lot about surrender at church. You know, I really thought I was surrendered in my life. I really thought I put God first, but I haven’t…at least not in every area. A few months ago, I was praying more than I am now. I was worshipping more than I am now. I was pursuing God more than I am now.
Since I’ve graduated, I don’t have anything to focus on. Well, nothing that requires my attention every day. I don’t have something pressing on me. So, I’ve had more time to focus on my physical pain. For the first few months out of school, I did good. I kept doing my confessions. I read a couple of chapters in my Bible. And even worshipped. I didn’t always have good days, but I knew what to do to get that heaviness to lift.
But the other day, I woke up and God wanted me to worship and pray at the beginning of the day. I didn’t want to do it. I wanted to get on Facebook. But I said to myself, “I’ll turn the computer on to check the time.” God said, “You know that if you turn on the computer, you will get on Facebook, and then you won’t worship or pray because you’ll get distracted.” I turned the computer on. Even though I have a cell phone beside me that I could have easily checked.
He was right. It is so easy for me to just to kick my mind out of gear and just mindlessly scroll down on Facebook or shopping websites. I did that for a few minutes, and I heard God again. “Are you sure you want to do this? When you get to Heaven do you want to hear me say, ‘Madison, you could have been further along spiritually and in the plan I had for your life, but you chose to read emails and scroll through Facebook?’” OUCH!
That got my attention, and I immediately said, “No, God.” And closed the Internet.
I worshipped and prayed for about twenty-five minutes and felt so much better. The Internet is such a time waster.
All of the discussion I had with God was just excuses. God even did away with me not feeling like I had any goals. Someone once said, “This will be the only time in your life you will be able to say, ‘I’m doing nothing.” That day, God told me, “You have more time than ever before to spend with Me. You can read the Word, worship, and pray for as long as you want. There are no schedules, class bells, or assignments.” He is so right, and I was immediately in tears because I had let the computer come between my relationship with God. It’s not that God doesn’t like me to be on the computer, He just doesn’t want it to take priority over Him.
No wonder I have been feeling down and more focused on my physical pain. The harsh truth is I haven’t been focusing on HIM like I should have. But, I am so glad He forgives me. He isn’t nearly as critical of me as I am of myself. I know all of my failures, every time I’ve messed up during the week. But God loves me, and just wants me to surrender more. What about you? Will you surrender more of yourself to Him, even when it hurts?
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