Thursday night, something happened. I prayed for someone and was sincere about it. Did you know that it is possible to pray for someone or something and not actually mean it? We’ve all done it if we are being honest.
After I finished praying for that person, I said this, “Father, forgive me for my pride. Forgive me for my judgmental attitude. Forgive me for needing control. Forgive me for being selfish.”
As I was praying, I saw a heart. It was pure white in some areas, yet smothered in dirt in others. I instinctively knew that God was showing me my heart. It is possible to be pure and clean in some areas. These are the areas that I have allowed God to work on. These are the areas I have surrendered to God.
The dirty areas are evidence that I still haven’t let Him work His plan in my life fully. I don’t even know what all needs work, but He does. Just the fact that I was able to see that picture and be broken before Him spoke volumes. If you can’t see something, you can’t fix it.
It is such a humbling experience to be broken. I’ve been walking with Jesus a long time now, and my heart is still not fully pure. Some of you may be thinking, “How can that be?” I am human. I am flawed. I make mistakes. I am too quick to judge.
The beautiful thing about God is He sees my potential, and He is helping me through this time in my life. There will be times in your Christian walk that you will be down in the valley, face to face with your flesh.
This time in my life is extremely painful. In this time, I am forced to deal with my pain, my emotions, and why I respond the way I do. This is what it is like to truly humble myself under the mighty hand of God.
When you find yourself in this same place, run to God. Make a decision to change. Apostle David always says, “When you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, you’ll change.” That is true. I don’t just want to change anymore. I HAVE to change. I cannot stand myself the way I am right now. I want more of God in my life, and in order to get that, I have to surrender more of myself to Him. I have to be willing to give Him access so Holy Spirit can deal with the root of the problems that are keeping me where I am right now. I have to be willing to hear what God is telling me about the painful truths in my life.
Every time I pray in tongues, I am making a choice to make God bigger than what I think is right. I am giving up my right to be right because in that moment, He is in control. I am so glad Holy Spirit is my teacher, counselor, and intercessor. I absolutely could not make it one second without Him.
Lately, I pray and sometimes cry. I can’t help it. It comes from a deep place within. So often Christians bury their pain, and go on with their lives thinking everything is okay. You are NOT okay! Everything isn’t fine. We need to be willing to submit ourselves to the Master Potter. I want God to shave off the rough places of my heart. My need to be right has gotten me nowhere. My attitude has gotten me nowhere.
Actually, it has gotten me into a place of deception. I thought I was okay. And don’t get me wrong, not every part of my heart is screwed up. Not every part of my mind is a mess. Some parts are full of God, but others are not. I recognize that in order to do everything that God has called me to do, I have to be willing to acknowledge my mess. I have to be willing to do what it takes to change.
Have you let God work on your heart lately? Or are you content to ignore God’s nudges to go deeper? My friend, it is better to listen to His voice now. You will save yourself a whole lot of heartache in the end.
I am fully persuaded that once these parts of my heart are purified after being tried in the fire, God WILL make something beautiful out of this mess. I dare you to trust Him with your heart.
Image credit Broken Heart Alex Bruda via free image.com