I’ve been in a tug of war lately. My spirit has wanted to pray and seek God. More often than not, I would fill my time with mindless scrolling on Facebook and sometimes, TV. I would never voice the thoughts out loud, but they were there nonetheless.
For the past few months, I have been very discontent. My spirit was crying out, and I was denying it the opportunity to grow. I didn’t completely fall off the bandwagon. I still prayed, but I wasn’t doing much.
While praying today, I heard these words, “You can have as much of God as you want.” The sad reality is I haven’t wanted much of God. Why can I say that? Because what I have been giving my time to proves the truth.
I have opened the door to silent killers. Silent killers are things that steal your time, influence your thoughts, and ultimately derail God’s plan for your life. The reason I began doing this happened gradually. The more I pressed into God, the more I came in contact with the real me. I started having very negative thoughts about people on TV . . . even during a show about cupcakes! This went on for a while. I thought to myself, “What in the world is happening?! Why am I having these kinds of thoughts?”
I battled it on my own for awhile, taking every negative thought captive, casting down imaginations as it says to do in 2 Corinthians 10:5.
I was still having those thoughts, and I didn’t like it. I had never had these thoughts before. I was becoming a person I didn’t know. Finally, I mentioned it to my mom. “What have you been watching?” she asked.
At first thought, I said, “Nothing,” because I couldn’t think of anything. Then, as I began to ponder on it, I found my answer. I mentioned to my mom about Steve Harvey. If I saw Family Feud on, I would watch it.
“He’s funny,” I told mom.
“He’s filthy,” she said. “Apostle David mentioned him in a sermon recently, too.”
Maybe a month or two before the negative thoughts began; I had started watching his show pretty regularly. Now that I was thinking about these things, I began to see them in a new light. Steve Harvey did say inappropriate things on both shows, masked under hilarity. Both of these were silent killers.
That settled that. I wouldn’t watch Family Feud anymore, neither would I watch his daytime talk show.
I immediately repented. Still searching, I continued asking God what had I done that had allowed these thoughts in my mind. Immediately, some articles I had read online came to mind. Letting others negative and impure comments come into my life was wrong. Another silent killer.
God has been dealing with me about things that are rooted in my childhood. Things that I never thought I had in me.
I distinctly remember telling my mom, “I am NOT this person!”
Lovingly, she said, “You don’t know what’s in you.”
Thanks to God for revealing these things to me, I now have a deeper understanding of why I looked for excuses – anything – to keep me from praying. The devil knows if he can conquer your thought life, he’s got you stifled. And if you don’t stay close to God, those silent killers will make you an ineffective disciple who is confused and self-deceived.
Image Credit © Media Overload Erik Dungan via free image.com